QUESTION: I've been married for 18 years and my husband and I haven't had sex in over a year. He refuses to talk about it, except to say that I'm going through menopause and that we have a small child. He never openly discusses his feelings. I've been seeing a counselor (he refuses to go) but am becoming increasingly worried the marriage may end. How can I get him to open up and talk about this problem? Do you give us much hope for the future of our marriage?
ANSWER: We recently wrote a book about all of the various reasons a man in a committed relationship might stop being sexual, He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex, and What You Can Do About It. We were intrigued by something rarely discussed -- when a marriage stops being intimate, about half the time it's the man's decision.
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You say that after 17 years of marriage, your husband decided to stop having sex with you, and refuses to talk about it. Clearly, something happened a year ago that caused him to make this decision. Let's look at some of the possibilities.
There are few things that can make a man shut up and shut down faster than a problem with impotence (erectile dysfunction). You might think that i
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